Been a while. I haven't been as great....
My depression has come back and I'm finding i miss Caitlin more then ever...she's amazing, everything she does, says, doesn't say, it blows me away. Last night she got really upset at something that some people said to her and went off at me about it, I understood though, when you're angry at someone, and they're not around for you to yell at them you yell at the closest person at the time, and at the time, i was talking to her on msn. I said for her not to get hurt, she she answered with something like this
"GET HURT I WON'T GET FUCKING HURT WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GET HURT, YOU KNOW NOTHING !"
Usually if someone said this to me id go right off at them, but the reason why i didn't with Caitlin is because she never ever has said something like that to me. i said back to her
"babe calm down. i said dont get hurt cause you're everything to me."
She then said
"NO I WON'T CALM DOWN FFS ! TO BAD THAT WON'T LAST LONG"
I asked her "what won't last?" what she said next....i dont think she knew how much it tore me....she said
“YOU THINKING IM YOUR EVERYTHING, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER YOU KNOE ?!”
The line “nothing lasts forever”, I’ve heard it too much, but to hear it from the person you love most, it crushes me. As I said, she said she was sorry but I donno, it still hurts, I know she probably didn’t mean anything she said, she never goes of at me, like never, and I never go off at her no matter what, but everyone has bad moment yes?
Apart from that, 2 weeks ago I sent off her month late birthday present I made her, it was a book full of photos of me and her on webcam, and things I have made her in it. It got to her last week on Wednesday, she said she really loves it so I was happy bout that.
And yeah…I just don’t really know what to do at the moment with Caitlin, she likes me still, and im…well in love with her….its just the whole “She lives there I live here” thing…it tears me apart, I haven’t gotten any sleep for weeks because I’ve been sobbing about it so much…it really does hurt, and I now know what heartbreak is…cause I can feel it breaking every second I am here, In Victoria…when shes in South Australia…it kills me, it really does.
Home is where the heart is, clearly, I’m not home.



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