Been a while. I haven't been as great....
My depression has come back and I'm finding i miss Caitlin more then ever...she's amazing, everything she does, says, doesn't say, it blows me away. Last night she got really upset at something that some people said to her and went off at me about it, I understood though, when you're angry at someone, and they're not around for you to yell at them you yell at the closest person at the time, and at the time, i was talking to her on msn. I said for her not to get hurt, she she answered with something like this
"GET HURT I WON'T GET FUCKING HURT WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GET HURT, YOU KNOW NOTHING !"
Usually if someone said this to me id go right off at them, but the reason why i didn't with Caitlin is because she never ever has said something like that to me. i said back to her
"babe calm down. i said dont get hurt cause you're everything to me."
She then said
"NO I WON'T CALM DOWN FFS ! TO BAD THAT WON'T LAST LONG"
I asked her "what won't last?" what she said next....i dont think she knew how much it tore me....she said
“YOU THINKING IM YOUR EVERYTHING, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER YOU KNOE ?!”
The line “nothing lasts forever”, I’ve heard it too much, but to hear it from the person you love most, it crushes me. As I said, she said she was sorry but I donno, it still hurts, I know she probably didn’t mean anything she said, she never goes of at me, like never, and I never go off at her no matter what, but everyone has bad moment yes?
Apart from that, 2 weeks ago I sent off her month late birthday present I made her, it was a book full of photos of me and her on webcam, and things I have made her in it. It got to her last week on Wednesday, she said she really loves it so I was happy bout that.
And yeah…I just don’t really know what to do at the moment with Caitlin, she likes me still, and im…well in love with her….its just the whole “She lives there I live here” thing…it tears me apart, I haven’t gotten any sleep for weeks because I’ve been sobbing about it so much…it really does hurt, and I now know what heartbreak is…cause I can feel it breaking every second I am here, In Victoria…when shes in South Australia…it kills me, it really does.
Home is where the heart is, clearly, I’m not home.



</heartbreak>

^__^
Soo i haven't talked much for a while..again! ahaha
Soo uhmm i broke it off with my Boyfriend(now ex) Zach because i found that i didnt really have any feelings for him...and i am in love with Caitlin. And last week Caitlin asked me out and i said yesss Then we talked about it all and we're sorta in an open relationship until we see each other again, but we're together so yeah.
Uhmmm okay so there has been one big thing thats gone on
I'm no longer talking to jen, theres a few reasons why, one of them being shes really controlive, shes also gets too jealous, and she also just .... is too hard to get along with now. she talks shit about caitlin all the time, then caitlin says ONE thing about her and she goes off. I've blocked and deleted her off msn and myspace, i just can't be fucked with her anymore. I haven't cried one tear through all of this, but im not sure if it shows im getting stronger...or more heartless...i mean im upset about it im just blocking it out, and its the first time iv been able to do so. I just don't see a point in me and her being friends anymore, if we're just gonna keep comming back o square one then whats the point...i used to see a point...but not anymore.
Okay so off that subject.
Errm..OH YEAH uhm after this im getting on Sims and making another music video its gonna be sorta based on me and Caitlin but with the Boy, Girl sorta love story thing, I'm think im gonna use the song Far Away - Nickelback. So yeah, look out for it on youtube.
Annd mum thinks she got Swine flu and now i think I've got it :\ but idk yet, it might just be the normal Flu but it isnt as bad so yeah, tis weird.
Oh annnnd YAYYYY HOLIDAYS IN 2 DAYS! haha. And i might be going to Adelaide in the 2 weeks i have, so im happy ,cause it means i get to see Caitlin ^__^
So yess, thats about itt.
I shall talk to ya'll laters.

xoox

Yeah it has hasn't it ?
Okay well theres alot to update on.

Number one.

I have got a boyfriend, and his name is Zach. Yeah. Me and Caitlin talked about it, and we both agree that its the best thing for now, since we're not living near each other and such. But we both made it clear that we still love each other, alot.
I'm beginning to love Zach but last night i was over Jen's and she was talking about her and her sorta boyfriend Damon who lives in Sydney, and how when she looks up at the sky she thinks of him and how he could be looking at the exact same sky at that very moment...and i always think the same thing with Caitlin, and she was just talking about love in general, and the only person in my mind was Caitlin the whole time. I still do really love her, but Zach is a great guy and i like him alot, so we'll just see what goes on.

Number two

Jen subject. No i do not "like her" in that way anymore but i don't know what shes thinking with me ?
Shes been very loving and shit, and you know the song Always Attract? By YouMeAtSix...well we've been dancing to it, like, slow hugging close dancing...together. Then last night she said she was learning a song for me on guitar, and it was that song, i asked her if it was our song, and she said she didn't know, me and Paris both recon that by saying that she meant she doesn't know about me...and yeah, but its just a guess. But Paris, Tom and a lot of other people recon she's liked me for a while :\ its weird.

So yeah, that sums it up just about, and i knoooow i keep promising artwork but gahh i shall try harder xDDD
Talk soon.
-Jazzii

So i thought i would...
lol
Well really theres nothing to update on
Me and caitlin are going good i guess, i might be goin to SA in september or shes comming here, we're not sure yet...
Although something made me sad just before
Okay so when caitlin came to melb in March i only spent one day with her and i said i spend the next day but jen made me no go -.- and i've regreted it SO MUCH lately...and this only made me regret it more:


- Caitliin korpse! says:
0.0
lol
im wearing the top i got in melb
the day u didnt come see me -.-
-    jazzi       TRASH    ™     ;;        RAWWRR!!     (U) says:
dnt remind me
- Caitliin korpse! says:
lol nah its kay
-    jazzi       TRASH    ™     ;;        RAWWRR!!     (U) says:
(:
in my whole life thats the only day i regret

- Caitliin korpse! says:
i was gonna tell you something that day
rather important
and i still remember what i was gonna say
-    jazzi       TRASH    ™     ;;        RAWWRR!!     (U) says:
what were u gonna say ?
- Caitliin korpse! says:
you have to wait till nex time


And i think i can guess what she was gonna sayyyy.
And yeah, sorta made me upset...

Uhmm things with me and jen are k, she went back to her dads place to stay but she might be comeing back to live with me lol idk.



Otayy wells ill be off now. some new art should be up soon, i hope.
And yeahh
Bye bye

Yeahh jens found =]
I found her actually
She was at the park, where i thought she would be, but its weird cause she was only gonna be there for a little while...i like just got her and she didnt even know i knew she was missing.
Well anyways, id tell u the whole story but its sorta...long.
Lng story short, she doesn't wanna go back with her rents, so shes living with me ^__^
We don;t know how long, but tops, 2 months, at least until shes 16 or sorts things out with her family. Me and her have been having like talks in bed, about our feeling and shit and helping each other out, i think its bringing us closer, i see her like a sister now.
Anyways im sorta happy to be by myself atm though, just because iv always been an only child and i get privecy alot, but since jens been here iv hardly had any time to myself, but its okayy =] im just happyi get this time for me .
So yeah, thats my little update, less work might be put up cause jens taken over the comp >.< but maybe some might be put up, we'll see.
Cyaz
xoox